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No regular parent who loves their child is just going to haul off and hit their child for misbehaving. Perhaps if you were a child abuser.

The bible says spare the rod spoil the child. I was a pretty good kid growing up, but on occasion I needed to be whooped. But it taught me to respect my parent and that they meant it when they told me to do something lol.

Today, I am a very respectful, hard working, considerate, self controlled person. When a sheep would stray from the path, a good shepherd would use a rod to steer the sheep away from danger towards green pastures and clean water.

A good shepherd would never beat his sheep into submission; he would gently but firmly guide them in the right direction. Sumitha, Great article!

I stumbled upon this blog through a link on Facebook and was glad I did, you have lots of helpful stuff on here.

My only comment is just that as I clicked through your blog I realized that all the children and pictures of families at least that I saw are all white.

This is something that I have been cognizant of as I see ads, browse websites, even clipart and emojis are mostly white people.

Thanks for all you are doing. About the pictures — You make a good point. Just a guess…. Hi Sumitha, really found that article useful.

Great work and well written! Thanks for your kind words and for asking, Kirsteen! I love your article , and it is a fact that new parents are learning at the same time , of how to raise a child, perhaps differently of himself was raised.

Perhaps call it the copying effect. Here is my example … I came from a fairly strict household, born in , and my father worked very hard to build us our own home.

Back then, a spanking was the sure fix, but when I got mine, I felt really not deserving of the harshness of it, and hate does build up in the heart, when accusations from siblings are embellished , and it all comes down on you… Nevertheless , forgiveness was always there, and thinking.

Thinking back , and even as a child, I swore to myself that I would not be as harsh as my father was, when it came to discipline , for I know I would not want my children to feel unjustified of any of it, like I was… Anyway, I learned , and when It came my time to be a parent , and mature, I did want a different way discipline , and bullying from siblings had allot to do with it, I knew it was the problem and set out to not let it happen in my family… But here is where things can backfire, especially when one chooses a gentler personality… In laws and relatives , not so much relatives , but the in laws, who were totally different.

One set was divorced, and mine stayed faithful, and I think that the co-operation of the parents has to be of the most VITAL part of raising a child.

Lesson learned, I was more the outcast of the family, looking in on everyone else taking a part in their lives, except myself.

And that is what broke up the family and why the divorce happened and I took my own life, unfortunately coming back, I never did get to be a father to my own children… So what is the lesson here??

Well I think the lesson is that the husband and wife!!! I have not seen my children , since , and my heart aches , but let this be a lesson to other young couples… Do not let the in law parents make the decisions for you, talk honestly with eachother, trust eachother, not desert eachother….

I am so sorry to hear that, Derek. I hope you will be reconciled with your children soon and will find a way to teach your gentle discipline approach with them.

Good luck. Teaching out kids to be disciplined people, and letting natural consequences take place whenever possible, is a very loving act.

Any walk of life takes discipline if there is going to be success. I want my kids to succeed! Thanks for the great article. Ouch, sorry it is a rough time for you Rosie.

We have been there and we are no longer there, and I can tell you from experience that this too shall pass. I wanted to mention that first, because just remembering that simple thing will sometimes help you get through it more calmly.

Instead of focusing on getting her clothes on, shift the focus to getting out the door at a certain time. You can say we need to be out of the house at and to make it more tangible for your child you can set an alarm on the phone or the oven timer etc.

I set the timer on my phone for 10 minutes before and snooze it when it rings the first time. The idea is to get out of the house by 2nd alarm and after the 1st alarm, we have 10 minutes.

If you are not ready, make the next 10 minutes a fun game to try and beat the clock. Scoop your child up and giggle as you rush through and what not.

Everyday you make it out on time, have a tangible reward…. When you get into the habit, you can drop all these other things, but the habit will still stick.

If not see if you can make some time for it… it is a really good book. Any Habit. I realize this was years ago, but, for future readers as well as the blogger, I wanted to offer my advice.

My favorite parenting book is The Manipulative Child by Ernest Swihart many of the reviews on Amazon discuss the poor title. One technique in the book which is not addressed in this article is called Positive Practice.

The book specifically brings up a dawdling child in the morning. Positive Practice is basically role-playing the activity you want the child to perform.

So after dinner or on the weekend, whenever you have time, the child must practice getting ready, from start to finish, so that they understand and are comfortable with all the steps.

Hi Rosie, I, like you, have been encouraging my daughter to make decisions throughout her life so she is then responsible for the decisions she makes.

She can then blame nobody else. However, I see that the main aim for me, as a parent, is to make sure that the choices my child has to choose from are choices that I am happy for her to make while she is learning how to distinguish between correct or smart choices: ie.

I would present her with options that I had already selected for her to choose from. She then had the opportunity to select from the options I presented to her.

My daughter is now 12 years old and I allow her to select her own clothes from her wardrobe. She is very comfortable in doing that and is confident in her choices.

I think she has very good taste in what she wears which gives me confidence in her. If I feel she has made an error in judgment, which happens occasionally, I feel that I can explain to her that the choice is inappropriate for the occasion and she is happy, usually, to re-select her outfit based on the new information.

I do not assume that as she grows older she is not going to be influenced by friends and social pressure, I know she will be, and has been, particularly as she is going through the pressure of her first year in high school!

BUT I do believe that as she is learning the responsibility of making her own decisions and experiencing the consequences, I will be there to help her continue to learn and understand how important it is to be true to herself.

Allowing my child to make her own choices means that she gets to choose from a selection of options that I have already censored, until I feel she is ready to be able to distinguish between what constitutes a good option for her from one that is not.

I know that one day I am not going to be able to be there for my daughter and she will have to be able to make important decisions for herself. I feel that my job as a mother is to try and show my daughter the way, give her the basics and let her develop her own unique ways of achieving the outcomes.

I am very heartened to have found this site and am looking forward to reading about how other parents are dealing with issues of high school as this is very new to me and I feel as though I am living with a different child, at times.

I feel that technology is the biggest problem that I am faced with currently. It feels as though I am having to reign in a runaway horse, ….

Such good points you bring up, Heather! Thank you! I hope I can be as confident about my daughter and the choices she will be making when she is in high school.

I love your article. Im writing in hopes that you can help me. I am needing to clarify my thesis. My current step in the semester is competing an outline and this is where I;m realizing im not sure what my topic sentences will be.

I am passionate about the topic and so that is why i want to write about it. Any help would be appreciated. Hi, Jason. Thanks for reaching out.

Do you want to email the details to me at sumitha afineparent. I am grateful to have found your website as we have been dealing with some stepped up tantrums lately from our 4 year old daughter.

My question is regarding giving choices. Often when my girl is frustrated, she will just refuse to choose and then lose it even worse when we make the choice for her.

One trick I have used is to make the clothes fight each other for her to choose them when getting dressed in the morning.

Thank you so much for sharing. We used to have a similar issue with breakfast. And would get more agitated when I made the choice for her.

One day in a huff, I sat her down and we made a list going from Mon to Sun and a breakfast option written next to it.

Over the next few days, there was some push back and resistance. Things were tweaked and moved around a little. At some point though it was silently agreed upon.

I hope you find your solution soon. Good luck! I actually read that idea in a book but not a parenting book…it was a fictional novel about an alcoholic mother…the name is escaping me right now.

Take the ideas wherever you can get them right?! I feel like things are getting better since I found this site so thank you so much! It just helps to have a plan!!

And I love getting the emails every few days. Oh, they are so literal. Great idea, though, and glad it worked for you! I love the article and all ten hints, my favorite part was about treating mistakes as learning opportunities.

These are excellent suggestions for interacting with children. So glad you liked it, Maria. Thanks for the wonderful comment.

Treating mistakes as one of the learning opportunities is one of my favorites too, but one that I struggle with a lot. I would probably start by spending some one-on-one time with the child each day doing something that he likes to give him some positive attention and see if that helps.

Thanks for all the ideas. This website will be soo helpful! I am just past it with bedtime though. No matter what we do..

I dread night time because of it. We have 2 girls.. I am at my wits end.. Their listening skills are getting worse during the day too because they are so tired from the night..

For us, routines were what helped. I would then finish some of the chores and go back to her room, sleep with her for another 10 more minutes.

Repeat it as many times as necessary, trying to stay firm but without losing patience in as much of a calm manner as possible. No more talking.

Try to go to sleep. I promise I will come check on you in 10 minutes. I love you. Try different things — bed time story, singing for them, letting them earn rewards for smooth bedtime, a race to see which child can lay still and stay quiet the longest and the winner gets to choose the breakfast next morning etc.

I took photos of Amelia doing heaps of different potential bed time steps in an idea to do a chart that she ticks off…. I just never got around to printing them and doing it!

I think I better go do it!! And with 2 in that age range it must be particularly challenging for you and your husband. Hang in there.

Hey Sumitha, Good to know that there are parents who go through similar challenges with their 5 or 6 year olds.

What does one do if their 6 yr old daughter is cranky all the time, shouts on people at home, hits or claws the nanny, disobeys or misbehaves all the time but is a well behaved girl out of the house?

Will this aggressive nature get carried over to the the outside world as well over a period of time?

Is there a need to consult a psychologist in terms of getting any medication for any vitamin deficiency leading to bouts of anger? Pls advise.

Hi, Chetna! Sorry to hear about the challenging situation you find yourself in! Sometime back my daughter used to be very cranky when I picked her up from school.

I had not heard any complaints from her teacher… so she was doing well in school. I tried several things, but none seemed to work at first. Finally here is what clicked….

I chose cards because she is good at it and likes it and I like it too, so it is sustainable without me getting all cranky ; Something about this routine calmed her frayed nerves and she was mostly a happy girl the rest of the evening.

After a while, the crankiness while picking her up started reduced, and she would happily jabber about something or the other she did in school when I picked her up.

Over a period of time, this routine dropped, but her improved mood stuck. When she seems off these days, I still gently steer her towards a game of cards or whatever game is popular at the moment and it usually works.

This exact routine will likely not work in your case, but I would highly recommend finding a way to connect with your daughter and help her ground herself during the first minutes after coming back home from outside.

Once whatever it is that is bottled up is released in a more acceptable manner, I think the need to discharge it using angry outbursts will reduce.

Thanks for your quick response Sumitha. Your advice really seems good. She finds herself around her grandmom and nanny everyday when she comes back from school.

I can relate to your point that she might be piling up her feelings inside trying to be good to the outside world coz even she is a very strong willed and wants to be heard more rather than listen to others.

So maybe she finds herself in a spot where she is unable to share or strike a sensible conversation and vents it out in the form of angry outbursts.

Maybe the cons of being a working mom. But your advise really helps. I will find out some better way to connect with her positively.

Thanks again. Thanks, Chetna! I have four children aged 2, 5, 7 and 8 and I am trying hard to keep calm and raise them the right way but the last two years I am also battling with my mental diagnosed illness altogether.

Sorry to hear that you are going through a rough season in life, Adele. I hope things fall in place for you soon. My best wishes are with you.

Thank you for this mini-course. Thank you for understanding and knowing the difficulties. Thank you for voicing it and making me feel like less of a failure.

The saddest part for me and my daughter is that I can consciously see her confidence break and I still find it close to impossible to control my temper.

I love her and she knows I love her, our biggest setback are her extremely poor eating habits. She is underweight 13 kgs and has a small stature 94 cms and is already 3.

We have seen a lot of doctors and even a nutritionist to help improve her eating habits but to no avail.

Her empty stomach leads to her anxiety and whinny, clingy demeanor. So we have a power struggle at most meal times. She does not like any fruits, vegetables, lentils or sweets.

She only eats chicken, eggs, plain rice, fish and ice cream. So needless to say, for the last 3. My husband is cabin crew and so is at home 3 out of 7 nights a week.

Everything had been left up to me and I broke when I was suffering from PPD and my poor baby girl has received the brunt of my terrible parenting skills.

All the above are excuses I know, I just want to thank you for allowing me a place to talk about my weakness without being judged. And that cooperation helps bring out the best in us, the parents.

Which in turn makes them want to cooperate more. And it a wonderful virtuous loop. I wish you the very best in breaking out of power struggles and finding workable solutions for your daughters eating habits.

Take care! Food issues are really separate from behavior. She explains how healthy eating is about 3 habits of proportion, variety, and moderation.

She had a blog which sadly has been deactivated as there were specific articles on how to fix poor eating. Loved your article. I have been trying your advise but my 6 year old son is a real challenge.

He is adorable,funny and smart but he loves to annoy. He will annoy his older brother, his friends, cousins by taking something, being noisy or ruining a game or snatching and he occasionally hits or pushes as well if he doesnt get his way.

Which means he can be in time out or quiet time several times a day. I explain to him that his behavior is not appropriate and his friends will not want to play with him.

He agrees and says he is sorry but then repeats his behaviour. What should I do?? How can I get him to behave appropriately and play without being annoying?

It is like you are describing my 4 year old. Nothing works. Love, motivation, time outs, beating are all useless. And, to top that, I am a broken parent myself as I do not know how to control my temper possibly, I have my own mental health issues.

This makes up for a really terrible experience for my child and me, and the rest of our family. I love being a mother, but I feel like I am sinning and dying a slow death from being one.

I am at my wits end. Praying fervently for a miracle. So glad I came across this! I had a particular horrid day with my girls yesterday and when I reflected on it after they were asleep I felt awful.

The girls were tired I was grumpy and in a bad mood all day. Looking forward to putting some of these things into practice x.

Oh, so sorry to hear that Marie! Happens to all of us. Not fun, but not uncommon either. Hi, I am smita, and I am very happy to get into this website.

My problem is that my child is very careless. Tried so many ways of teaching her. Offering rewards so that she learns to behave herself. Explaining her the pros and cons etc,punishing, she has also faced consequences for her carelessness, but just feels sorry for that particular minute, and then makes the same mistake again.

Can someone guide me please? Lovely blog.. I am really struggling with my elder son 5. My younger 2. For younger one, I can pick him up and take to the bathroom and brush or bath but its really hard with elder one.

That said, I want to give you hope. We are mostly out of that situation these days. My daughter still resists me every chance she gets she is strong willed and it is her nature , but most often things are resolved peacefully.

I worked with one of our writers to put together article specifically about dealing with strong, defiant kids.

Please take a look. I think it will help. As you try this new approach though, please keep in mind that you and your kids did not land in this situation overnight.

It took years of conventional parenting to get here. But, if you stick with it, you might be surprised with how well it works and how much fulfillment it brings to us as parents to parent this way!

Hi sumitha I am very happy to join your blog. I am a father of three children two son and one daughter. I tell her to rent with him she never do that.

When I talk to her she replies impolitly and she goes outside at evening and get home at midnight. I wanted her to be like her eldery brothers who always stay home.

However, some children do not respond to reason and take advantage of your sympathy. I teach Sunday school at church and sometimes I help the church bus drivers monitor the bus.

I was on the bus and a told this young girl she had to sit down because the bus was moving and she would hurt herself if she was standing.

I asked her to come sit up front near the driver; she did, but she continued cursing profusely at me. The pastor, who was the bus driver, dealt with the situation and told the child to use different words to express herself not bad ones.

This young girl will only listen to the pastor and nobody else, however her actions shocked me because she has never been this mean to me, she has acted up a little from time to time but never in this angered temperament.

I wanted to know how do I deal with her now after this incident. What steps she I take to gain her trust and better discipline her bad behavior.

She is a good person who will do great things with her life, but she is given a bad reputation and in result concedes with her title as being an evil child.

Sorry for the long story, but this was a unique experience for me as a teacher, and I only want to help my Sunday school students be successful.

Thank you for sharing your story with us! It is a difficult position to be in… I think you did right by choosing not to raise your voice.

I recently wrote an article about some of the psychological studies out there and how we parents can use them. When you get a chance, please do take a look.

In short, the studies related to 2 suggest that most of us humans when faced with a failure will throw the rest of our resolutions in the air and just keep making more and more poor choices, making a bad situation worse.

Also, we have another article where a mom from our community shares how she helped her step child, whose custody she got late in life and was prone to attention seeking behavior, get settled into their family.

You may find a few helpful pointers in here as well —. I wish you the very best and hope you can help this child re discover what a wonderful person she can be!

Its a wonderful post. She is a very peaceful girl and a delight to be with. I am a single parent, we lost my husband a year back and my daughter was very attached to him.

I will be sharing some of the tips on how i helped through this phase and still do if that will help people in same situation as me. I think you are doing good by your daughter.

And thank you for your kind words to me. I have published a couple of articles earlier about handling grief and difficult situations from moms in our community.

Since you have already read several books, nothing in this may be new to you, but I wanted to share it anyway in the hopes that it will offer you some solace.

Here you go:. Hello, Sumitha. Thank you for the wonderful tips. I have been looking for a better way to communicate with my 2 kids girl, 7 years, and boy, 4 years and avoid yelling.

My daughter is very easy-going and I have no problem explaining rules to her and discussing behavior.

But my son is the exact opposite and really tests me most o the time. Thank you very much for the tip on brushing teeth in the morning.

I tried that tactic and finally got my son to brush his teeth before leaving for daycare for the first time! If I just give him a warning, he still runs away and I end up yelling at him, and then feel terrible about it.

Also, in addition to the safety concern, this disrupts whatever we are doing at the time, and then everyone is upset and grumpy. I even told him that if he runs away then I will not buy a snack.

The end result is the same. He runs away, I get angry, put his tether on and stick to my promise not to buy him a snack, and then have a crying child all the way home.

Please help! So take a deep breath and acknowledge what a great job you are doing if you are reading this site, or any parenting site for that matter, looking for peaceful win-win solutions, trust me, you are doing great!

My daughter is very strong willed and independent… so we run into situations like this a LOT. What works for us is to acknowledge that she is indeed a big girl and I would like to trust her, but make it clear that she is also a learning child and so needs practice.

This does not mean you failed.. And then repeat this very, very consistently. You are so ready to walk with me like a big boy without the tether.

This approach helps us a LOT. PS: If you try this and it works and you remember, please do let me know. Thank you so much for a quick response and your kind words.

I will talk to my son tonight and will try this tomorrow on our weekly trip to the grocery store to see how he does.

It is actually working! You are so compassionate with your little boy and understand things from his perspective and are trying to work with it rather than against it.

I really enjoy the posts on this blog. I think parents can benefit from positive reinforcement from other parents, just like our children benefit from our positive attitudes.

So true! Here is a quick example: If your child is in the red zone during the school week they are not allowed to go on the end of the week field trip or participate in the end of week surprise which falls on a Friday.

What is your opinion on this? We cant switch day care at the moment and live in a very small town with only one other day care option or I would consider moving here even though she has been in this day care for years, since she was a baby.

That is very disturbing, Tiffany! I am so glad to hear that you are meeting with them to discuss it. Hello there,.. I just have a doubt..

I know that this kind of disciplining a child is positive for some but not for all of us.. I usually locked my child inside our room when she does something wrong after three warnings..

I talked to her softly and explained that the thing she did is not good.. I am concerned if this kind of teaching my child is right..

Hope to hear your answer.. Sandy, Thanks for reaching out. Instead of me answering your question, let me ask you a few questions instead….

Suppose you did something wrong. We all do, so you can pick any instance. Maybe it is something at work. Or something in the kitchen.

Or something with friends. How would you like to be treated? Would being locked in a room be an acceptable way of someone treating you?

Would being threatened with something you are scared of, so you are forced to say sorry, be acceptable to you?

The goal of positive parenting and positive discipline is to treat our kids with respect and to guide them towards making better choices next time.

To extend to them the same courtesy we would like if we were to mess up. Because we all mess up. After all we are humans. And kids are still learning humans, so they will likely mess up more!

Hi Sumitha, I have 11 years old and 8 years old boys. I have trouble getting them out of the tablets. We are busy family with the take away shop and when we are busy serving customers, the boys will always play with their tablets.

I tried to put the tablets away and let them doing something else eg. Any advise? Thanks, Tim. One thing that has worked for us is a clear contract that explains exactly what is acceptable and what is not.

And why. Our contract is simple, no more than 1 hr of electronics at a time and no more than 2 hours in the entire day on weekends and holidays. And 20 minutes with an option for an additional minutes bonus on weekdays if she finishes all evening activities ahead of time.

If this policy is broken or argued with, the touchpad goes away for a week. We sat her down one day and made it clear that the touchpad going away for a week is not a punishment.

We talked to her about addiction, how we think she needs to have balance and she understands that the itch to want more is a sign of oncoming addiction that she needs to curb.

Anything in moderation is fine, but if it starts to take over our lives we need to step back and reevaluate and that is what the 1 week without electronics is meant to achieve.

Good luck coming up with a contract that you and your kids agree upon. Do stop by and let us know how it goes! Thanks Sumitha for the prompt reply.

I used to have a time table when they can plan. However, when I was not a round they will play again. Even I take away for a short period, they will try to annoy me until I give them back.

Anyhow, I will try again and this time I will try to explain to them and be strict. These ideas work well at home but I am having a hard time with what is the appropriate action for school misbehavior.

My son is in Kindergarten and I do not want to double punish him. After a few bad weeks we had a long talk and took away computer time for a week.

That seemed to help and he had two great weeks. At school though he is punished by losing treasure box at the end of the week or possibly playground time for other more serious behavior.

However, recently he punched another child. My husband wants to punish him at home by taking away more privileges but I am not sure if that is the answer.

How do I get across making better choices at school? On another note, I hope you can help in this specific situation since I have 3 kids, very close in age, 6.

All they want to do in the morning is play… I do work full time and end up with so much little time 5 — 10 min to get ready in the morning and wake up about 30 min before I go to wake them up.

My purpose is for them to get them to get ready and have a little bite before heading to school. Looking forward to your reply! Hi Samantha I really have a lot of anxiety thinking that what I have been doing wrong for 9 years!

I feel that all I do is yell and nag, and I really want to make a change! I want a happy house hold! I find my daughter is acting out looking for any attention whether it be good or bad, and I am now just seeing what I am doing wrong!

I am excited for the 6 mini courses. I already started today on a positive note, praising her helping with the family dog and the morning really seemed to go smoothly for once.

Fingers crossed! Hi Geetha, We have two sons with 2. Our elder son is 5yrs with Einstein Brain. He is very smart kid academically but less emotional….

He is very short tempered….. After hurting someone he feels sad till then time would have gone to say sorry. Whenever my dad wants he makes me pull down my underwear, lie down on my back on the coffee table and he checks to see if I'm wet.

If I'm wet I get a crotch spanking and I have to stay on display so everyone can see what a bad little girl I am.

Sometimes I have to take off my clothing and do special exercises. My dad tells my brother to invite his friends over.

In the family room there is a display table and whenever our daughter has misbehaved she has to do penance on the table before she gets her spanking and punishment.

In this family there's a spanking, punishment and display session for every misdeed. Sometimes she has to lie naked on the display table, on her back, knees up and spread, and she has to hold her labia lips open.

Other times she'll be on all fours, head and shoulders down and with her hands she has to reach back and spread her cheeks open.

Length of time can vary greatly. My son is, of course, encouraged to bring his friends over. At times I'll have her stand in the middle of the room and hold her breasts up.

The first part of the spanking usually involves whichever area is being displayed. Sometimes her punishments involve daily display periods.

Her mother is disciplined in the same way. Often they are disciplined together, because I hold my wife responsible for the girl's obedience. They are both required to be clean shaven at all times, and are subject to random inspections.

Pussy inspections I call them, and my friends sure do enjoy watching. Of course, I consider the fact that my wife and daughter are even allowed to wear clothing around the house a privilege that can be withdrawn at any time.

At times they are punished by only being allowed to wear underwear which has to stay down around their ankles. Some people seem to think I'm too strict, but say what you will, this routine seems to be effective.

My daughter and wife are both extremely well behaved. I've encouraged other parents to try similar techniques. At times I find that single isolated spankings are not nearly as effective as say a hard spanking every night at 6 pm for a week, with one hour display periods before each spanking.

Something like that can be very effective in getting a point across. I also take care to discipline, not just for actions, but also for attitude.

I've tried to teach my daughter patience, and at times she gets so willful and frustrated that the only solution is some very strict discipline.

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I will find out some better way to connect with her positively. Thanks again. Thanks, Chetna! I have four children aged 2, 5, 7 and 8 and I am trying hard to keep calm and raise them the right way but the last two years I am also battling with my mental diagnosed illness altogether.

Sorry to hear that you are going through a rough season in life, Adele. I hope things fall in place for you soon. My best wishes are with you.

Thank you for this mini-course. Thank you for understanding and knowing the difficulties. Thank you for voicing it and making me feel like less of a failure.

The saddest part for me and my daughter is that I can consciously see her confidence break and I still find it close to impossible to control my temper.

I love her and she knows I love her, our biggest setback are her extremely poor eating habits. She is underweight 13 kgs and has a small stature 94 cms and is already 3.

We have seen a lot of doctors and even a nutritionist to help improve her eating habits but to no avail. Her empty stomach leads to her anxiety and whinny, clingy demeanor.

So we have a power struggle at most meal times. She does not like any fruits, vegetables, lentils or sweets.

She only eats chicken, eggs, plain rice, fish and ice cream. So needless to say, for the last 3. My husband is cabin crew and so is at home 3 out of 7 nights a week.

Everything had been left up to me and I broke when I was suffering from PPD and my poor baby girl has received the brunt of my terrible parenting skills.

All the above are excuses I know, I just want to thank you for allowing me a place to talk about my weakness without being judged.

And that cooperation helps bring out the best in us, the parents. Which in turn makes them want to cooperate more.

And it a wonderful virtuous loop. I wish you the very best in breaking out of power struggles and finding workable solutions for your daughters eating habits.

Take care! Food issues are really separate from behavior. She explains how healthy eating is about 3 habits of proportion, variety, and moderation.

She had a blog which sadly has been deactivated as there were specific articles on how to fix poor eating. Loved your article.

I have been trying your advise but my 6 year old son is a real challenge. He is adorable,funny and smart but he loves to annoy.

He will annoy his older brother, his friends, cousins by taking something, being noisy or ruining a game or snatching and he occasionally hits or pushes as well if he doesnt get his way.

Which means he can be in time out or quiet time several times a day. I explain to him that his behavior is not appropriate and his friends will not want to play with him.

He agrees and says he is sorry but then repeats his behaviour. What should I do?? How can I get him to behave appropriately and play without being annoying?

It is like you are describing my 4 year old. Nothing works. Love, motivation, time outs, beating are all useless. And, to top that, I am a broken parent myself as I do not know how to control my temper possibly, I have my own mental health issues.

This makes up for a really terrible experience for my child and me, and the rest of our family. I love being a mother, but I feel like I am sinning and dying a slow death from being one.

I am at my wits end. Praying fervently for a miracle. So glad I came across this! I had a particular horrid day with my girls yesterday and when I reflected on it after they were asleep I felt awful.

The girls were tired I was grumpy and in a bad mood all day. Looking forward to putting some of these things into practice x. Oh, so sorry to hear that Marie!

Happens to all of us. Not fun, but not uncommon either. Hi, I am smita, and I am very happy to get into this website. My problem is that my child is very careless.

Tried so many ways of teaching her. Offering rewards so that she learns to behave herself. Explaining her the pros and cons etc,punishing, she has also faced consequences for her carelessness, but just feels sorry for that particular minute, and then makes the same mistake again.

Can someone guide me please? Lovely blog.. I am really struggling with my elder son 5. My younger 2. For younger one, I can pick him up and take to the bathroom and brush or bath but its really hard with elder one.

That said, I want to give you hope. We are mostly out of that situation these days. My daughter still resists me every chance she gets she is strong willed and it is her nature , but most often things are resolved peacefully.

I worked with one of our writers to put together article specifically about dealing with strong, defiant kids.

Please take a look. I think it will help. As you try this new approach though, please keep in mind that you and your kids did not land in this situation overnight.

It took years of conventional parenting to get here. But, if you stick with it, you might be surprised with how well it works and how much fulfillment it brings to us as parents to parent this way!

Hi sumitha I am very happy to join your blog. I am a father of three children two son and one daughter. I tell her to rent with him she never do that.

When I talk to her she replies impolitly and she goes outside at evening and get home at midnight. I wanted her to be like her eldery brothers who always stay home.

However, some children do not respond to reason and take advantage of your sympathy. I teach Sunday school at church and sometimes I help the church bus drivers monitor the bus.

I was on the bus and a told this young girl she had to sit down because the bus was moving and she would hurt herself if she was standing.

I asked her to come sit up front near the driver; she did, but she continued cursing profusely at me.

The pastor, who was the bus driver, dealt with the situation and told the child to use different words to express herself not bad ones.

This young girl will only listen to the pastor and nobody else, however her actions shocked me because she has never been this mean to me, she has acted up a little from time to time but never in this angered temperament.

I wanted to know how do I deal with her now after this incident. What steps she I take to gain her trust and better discipline her bad behavior.

She is a good person who will do great things with her life, but she is given a bad reputation and in result concedes with her title as being an evil child.

Sorry for the long story, but this was a unique experience for me as a teacher, and I only want to help my Sunday school students be successful.

Thank you for sharing your story with us! It is a difficult position to be in… I think you did right by choosing not to raise your voice.

I recently wrote an article about some of the psychological studies out there and how we parents can use them. When you get a chance, please do take a look.

In short, the studies related to 2 suggest that most of us humans when faced with a failure will throw the rest of our resolutions in the air and just keep making more and more poor choices, making a bad situation worse.

Also, we have another article where a mom from our community shares how she helped her step child, whose custody she got late in life and was prone to attention seeking behavior, get settled into their family.

You may find a few helpful pointers in here as well —. I wish you the very best and hope you can help this child re discover what a wonderful person she can be!

Its a wonderful post. She is a very peaceful girl and a delight to be with. I am a single parent, we lost my husband a year back and my daughter was very attached to him.

I will be sharing some of the tips on how i helped through this phase and still do if that will help people in same situation as me. I think you are doing good by your daughter.

And thank you for your kind words to me. I have published a couple of articles earlier about handling grief and difficult situations from moms in our community.

Since you have already read several books, nothing in this may be new to you, but I wanted to share it anyway in the hopes that it will offer you some solace.

Here you go:. Hello, Sumitha. Thank you for the wonderful tips. I have been looking for a better way to communicate with my 2 kids girl, 7 years, and boy, 4 years and avoid yelling.

My daughter is very easy-going and I have no problem explaining rules to her and discussing behavior. But my son is the exact opposite and really tests me most o the time.

Thank you very much for the tip on brushing teeth in the morning. I tried that tactic and finally got my son to brush his teeth before leaving for daycare for the first time!

If I just give him a warning, he still runs away and I end up yelling at him, and then feel terrible about it. Also, in addition to the safety concern, this disrupts whatever we are doing at the time, and then everyone is upset and grumpy.

I even told him that if he runs away then I will not buy a snack. The end result is the same. He runs away, I get angry, put his tether on and stick to my promise not to buy him a snack, and then have a crying child all the way home.

Please help! So take a deep breath and acknowledge what a great job you are doing if you are reading this site, or any parenting site for that matter, looking for peaceful win-win solutions, trust me, you are doing great!

My daughter is very strong willed and independent… so we run into situations like this a LOT. What works for us is to acknowledge that she is indeed a big girl and I would like to trust her, but make it clear that she is also a learning child and so needs practice.

This does not mean you failed.. And then repeat this very, very consistently. You are so ready to walk with me like a big boy without the tether.

This approach helps us a LOT. PS: If you try this and it works and you remember, please do let me know. Thank you so much for a quick response and your kind words.

I will talk to my son tonight and will try this tomorrow on our weekly trip to the grocery store to see how he does.

It is actually working! You are so compassionate with your little boy and understand things from his perspective and are trying to work with it rather than against it.

I really enjoy the posts on this blog. I think parents can benefit from positive reinforcement from other parents, just like our children benefit from our positive attitudes.

So true! Here is a quick example: If your child is in the red zone during the school week they are not allowed to go on the end of the week field trip or participate in the end of week surprise which falls on a Friday.

What is your opinion on this? We cant switch day care at the moment and live in a very small town with only one other day care option or I would consider moving here even though she has been in this day care for years, since she was a baby.

That is very disturbing, Tiffany! I am so glad to hear that you are meeting with them to discuss it. Hello there,.. I just have a doubt..

I know that this kind of disciplining a child is positive for some but not for all of us.. I usually locked my child inside our room when she does something wrong after three warnings..

I talked to her softly and explained that the thing she did is not good.. I am concerned if this kind of teaching my child is right.. Hope to hear your answer..

Sandy, Thanks for reaching out. Instead of me answering your question, let me ask you a few questions instead….

Suppose you did something wrong. We all do, so you can pick any instance. Maybe it is something at work. Or something in the kitchen. Or something with friends.

How would you like to be treated? Would being locked in a room be an acceptable way of someone treating you? Would being threatened with something you are scared of, so you are forced to say sorry, be acceptable to you?

The goal of positive parenting and positive discipline is to treat our kids with respect and to guide them towards making better choices next time.

To extend to them the same courtesy we would like if we were to mess up. Because we all mess up. After all we are humans. And kids are still learning humans, so they will likely mess up more!

Hi Sumitha, I have 11 years old and 8 years old boys. I have trouble getting them out of the tablets. We are busy family with the take away shop and when we are busy serving customers, the boys will always play with their tablets.

I tried to put the tablets away and let them doing something else eg. Any advise? Thanks, Tim. One thing that has worked for us is a clear contract that explains exactly what is acceptable and what is not.

And why. Our contract is simple, no more than 1 hr of electronics at a time and no more than 2 hours in the entire day on weekends and holidays.

And 20 minutes with an option for an additional minutes bonus on weekdays if she finishes all evening activities ahead of time.

If this policy is broken or argued with, the touchpad goes away for a week. We sat her down one day and made it clear that the touchpad going away for a week is not a punishment.

We talked to her about addiction, how we think she needs to have balance and she understands that the itch to want more is a sign of oncoming addiction that she needs to curb.

Anything in moderation is fine, but if it starts to take over our lives we need to step back and reevaluate and that is what the 1 week without electronics is meant to achieve.

Good luck coming up with a contract that you and your kids agree upon. Do stop by and let us know how it goes! Thanks Sumitha for the prompt reply.

I used to have a time table when they can plan. However, when I was not a round they will play again. Even I take away for a short period, they will try to annoy me until I give them back.

Anyhow, I will try again and this time I will try to explain to them and be strict. These ideas work well at home but I am having a hard time with what is the appropriate action for school misbehavior.

My son is in Kindergarten and I do not want to double punish him. After a few bad weeks we had a long talk and took away computer time for a week.

That seemed to help and he had two great weeks. At school though he is punished by losing treasure box at the end of the week or possibly playground time for other more serious behavior.

However, recently he punched another child. My husband wants to punish him at home by taking away more privileges but I am not sure if that is the answer.

How do I get across making better choices at school? On another note, I hope you can help in this specific situation since I have 3 kids, very close in age, 6.

All they want to do in the morning is play… I do work full time and end up with so much little time 5 — 10 min to get ready in the morning and wake up about 30 min before I go to wake them up.

My purpose is for them to get them to get ready and have a little bite before heading to school. Looking forward to your reply!

Hi Samantha I really have a lot of anxiety thinking that what I have been doing wrong for 9 years! I feel that all I do is yell and nag, and I really want to make a change!

I want a happy house hold! I find my daughter is acting out looking for any attention whether it be good or bad, and I am now just seeing what I am doing wrong!

I am excited for the 6 mini courses. I already started today on a positive note, praising her helping with the family dog and the morning really seemed to go smoothly for once.

Fingers crossed! Hi Geetha, We have two sons with 2. Our elder son is 5yrs with Einstein Brain. He is very smart kid academically but less emotional….

He is very short tempered….. After hurting someone he feels sad till then time would have gone to say sorry.

Pls suggest something about it so that we can make it work for us and for the kids too. My 6 year old grandson lives with me and his dad.

Being that he was my first grandchild and also the fact his mom died so young, I felt so sad he would never grow up knowing his mom. Just recently, I lost my husband, his poppy, for which he was very close too.

He is in first grade and has always been a handful according to his teacher, but now his behavior at school has going through the roof.

He is acting out terribly and is even taunting classmates and then hit a aide because she said he was being mean. I know we let him get away with alot but never to that extent.

We use time outs, etc. My husband picked him up everyday after school and took him alot of places. My son has talked to the principal and teacher and has asked for a guidance counselor to get involved.

My problem is that my grandson is in school all day and dad works till later and to be punished for a school thing is taking away quality time from them to be with each other.

How much punishment should be dealt with at home for a school thing. Any suggestions until we get the guidance counselor involved. We are still waiting to hear from the school.

Are we doing the right thing by punishing when he gets home? From then he now eats with us and we have a family meal all together. Sometimes he pulls the slow card again but I remind him of the consequences, he has managed to eat on time with us ever since.

I took a positive parenting class before and this reinforces many things I learned. I do try and talk with empathy, give choices, let consequences happen, etc.

I find it very difficult to do some of these things when I feel my strong-willed daughter knows that what she is doing is wrong.

Clearly something bigger is going on but I feel I get too annoyed and frustrated to potentially see what that is and she is unable to articulate it.

Patience is challenging. I look forward to being part of this community. Shumitha , my daughter is 5 years old ,we have lots of problem everyday to make her eat her breakfast and dinner.

Everyday we gets late for her school because of her very slow eating habit! We praised her and at times threatened her but nothing works…. Please give me some tips to discipline her and myself as how to deal with the situation.

From a Frustrated mom. Hi Sumita, I am a father of 9 year old beautiful , very well mannered and disciplined girl.

I want to develop reading habits in her. She has many books.. Kindly give some suggestions. Regards skye. I have two headstrong children, 3 and 1 year old so imagine the racket we always have in the house!

They have this attitude that even they hear me asking them to do something like to eat or to nap, they ignore us and continue to do what they are doing.

I am having a hard time establishing rules for both of them. Even if I distract him or tell him to stop or at one time spank him, he just laughs and maybe thinks I am joking even if I am very angry!

I am struggling to potty train my 3yr old daughter, and to ask her to do things like to eat, to take a nap, and she is not very giving or sharing to her baby brother when it comes to food or toys or tablet.

I hope the moms out here can give me tips! Thanks in advance! She no longer goes to school, studies or bathes. She steals, lies, and has constant thoughts of self harm.

We have all the experts, and none of them have made a dent in her problems. Me and my wife feel that we have failed and have a failed child.

We are both depressed, and have given up. Sorry to hear. I am hoping that this has been positively resolved already, if not: David, yes, they are just theories: the thing is that you have to find the theory that works for you and your family.

GOD Bless…. Keep up the good piece of work, I read few posts on this web site and I think that your website is really interesting and holds bands of superb info.

Thank you so much for this list. So glad I discovered your blog. All of the suggestions have really helped me to get through each day.

I always forward your blog to others who are grieving or helping those who are grieving. With 5 girls, you can not have enough little girls carriages.

The denim fabric is practical and a little thicker than the other. I really love this one. Starting by you predicting my words for sky, night and discipline wrong, made me not that interested to read.

I believe that the most important element to guid our kids is to understand and to guid ourselves well. Sky; limit Night; shift Discipline; me.

What age does this parenting style become effective? Cheers, Dean. Yes, this is what I was thinking. I have a VERY stubborn 4yr old boy who will not give the chance for any words to be given even after some time has passed nor listen and challenges all forms of discipline by reacting spitefully and thinking about his next way to get out of it rather than using that time to calm down.

This seems wrong. The child who got hurt should be getting the attention surely! Grrr, I have a blog on my website and it sucks. I actually removed it, but may need to bring it back.

I was presented with by you inspiration! Keep on writing! I try to be a better parent. When I sit with her she Knows how to solve problems etc but Because I am working and I am not at home ii is very difficult to pursued her to start her homework without me.

Of courseI have the same problem with the foreign language she is learning. I have to tell her every single day to sit and make her homework.. What can I do?

Thank you for these mini sessions!! If you had any suggestion about this i will greatly appreciate it. About your supper problem, my son does this too.

Then he can pick two choices for supper. You can also demystify the alure if staying up late by letting them stay up late as they can manage once a week.

My son gets to do this every Friday. My biggest problem lately is getting him to understand not to kuck the back of my seat when Grandma is driving.

Dear parents, you are so special to me. And for Sumitha, I am more than humbled by your kindness to all the parents and children in the world.

I am a single mother of two children, 10 year old daughter and 3. I have made up my mind that those two children are enough for me.

It has always and still is my wish to raise well displined, focused, God fearing and brilliant children. However, I was beginning to get alittle bit frastrated when I see my daughter not becoming what I want her to become.

She is the kind of a child who looks very bright to both I the parent and the teachers but when it comes to her performance in class she gets very law grades.

She is the kind of a child who looses her things all the time at school. She is in primary five but up to now I have to be on her back to prepare herself on time for school.

If I do not continue reminding her what to do you will find her relaxed, telling stories like as if she is going no where. She prefers sitting on the computer to either play games or watch videos to reading her books.

She loves things like singing and wanting to become a model yet in the African setting those are expensive life skills which I the mother can not afford to train her in.

In my heart Iam like will this child really be what I wish her to be!!!! The brother is alitle more organised though he also has alot of anger in a way that every time he does wrong and we stop him he runs to bed and covers himself for some few minutes for his anger to cool down then he joins us again in a normal mood.

My biggest worry is my daughter! You can Imagine today I sent her to school without packing any bites because she has lost her packing containers in two concircutive days.

As a parent I was feeling bad though consoling myself that may be that would teach her a lesson to be responsible for her school items. I will try some of the ideas shared on this platform, and more others particular to my scenario are most welcome.

Please make me a proud mother by guiding me how to rise super children. Hello Sumitha, I just wanted to say thank you for the Parenting Conference sessions!

I just watched the one with Dr. Ross, and I have watched all of them so far, they are great and I am learning a lot. My sister is very aggressive and reckless and me and my parents are trying to behave her by spanking and other things.

Sometimes, when she irritates us,I would get angry and started yelling and hitting at her. Hello, I enjoyed the reading: I was actually looking for faults.

I read it all and it seemed to be very good advise. Though I am a man, husband, and daddy it would be wise if other women were disciplined taught correctly according to the ways that you have described above.

Let me know if you would be interested. Implementing the Positive Discipline methods is helping me with my family communication.

I learned so much about logical consequences from this book. I also learned how to let children manage their conflicts in an effective and uplifting manner.

This is a must read! Our children sometime also teach us to action more gently, positive. How can we do as parent for our children get the best environment to grow best!

Thank you much for sharing! Your email address will not be published. Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam.

Learn how your comment data is processed. In small baby steps, of course! Click Here to Learn More. Click here to get the full mini-course for FREE.

Comments Hi Sumitha, I am going to really try to be conscious of this for this week. Hi Bernadette! Thank you for you kind words, Janel!

Hi Sumitha, I am grateful to be a member of this club, or whatever we can call it, and really learning a lot from this.

Hi Sumitha, I am so happy to receive a quick reply from you. God bless us all. Hi Sumitha, What a lovely post with so many fantastic insights!

I wish to share some of my experiences on this topic. Hi Sumitha and Geeta, Thanks for all your kind words and suggestions. There are still a lot of posts on your blog that I should catch up on reading.

Have fun on your vacation. All the best, Carey. Post by A Fine Parent. Thanks for your kind words and welcome on board, Amanda.

Wishing you the very best! Thank you so much for this! All the best to you in this journey! Thanks heaps!

Ouch, that sounds like a difficult to place to get stuck in Monique. These days she is usually out within a few minutes.

Thank you Sumitha! Just the moral support is good. I look forward to doing the mini course! Sarah Derbas, It is like you are describing my 4 year old.

Please share if you found anything that worked for your 6 year old. Hi Matt, Thank you for sharing your story with us! You may find a few helpful pointers in here as well — Attention Seeking Behavior: How to Gently, But Effectively, Stop it I wish you the very best and hope you can help this child re discover what a wonderful person she can be!

Hello Sumitha, Its a wonderful post. Thanks N Kapur. Thank you so much! Sumitha, Thank you so much for a quick response and your kind words. Also do you insist on her being still or will you hold her if she is trying to turn over or wriggle during a disciplinary session?

Anonymous August 30 AM - I'm not from Canada, but a member of the social network is and she has offered some advice as to where to find this cream.

She says, "It's sold by PharmaPlus a pharmacy chain in Ontario east to the Maritimes , but if you're in the West or North of Canada, have no idea, since that chain isn't in those parts of Canada.

I would try to find some of that if you're unable to find some Capsaicin Cream. As for the pain tolerance issue - I would escalate your spanking to an advanced level.

It sounds like you're at that point. It's not easy to do, but if you spank as I've recommended on the Advanced Level Spankings entry, you and your wife will be ok.

Best of luck to you. Mike - The break is to do two things: 1 It intensifies the stinging sensation in the buttocks, thus making the spanking more effective.

Spanking with no break will cause the nerves to become numb to the pain, making the spanking much less effective.

The idea is to get her thinking about her mistake, because she wasn't thinking at the time it happened.

If you're uncomfortable spanking bare bottomed, you can increase the number of spanks or use a more intense implement.

That is, of course, as long as you do not exceed the number of strikes recommended on this blog, and only use implements outlined on this blog.

Holding still is important during a spanking for a lot of reasons. Reading over that post should help you with this issue. Best of luck to you! Thank you both for being patient with my response.

I had some computer issues for a few days, but they're fixed now. Thanks for the reply clint. Anonymous - Yes, I would spank using the advanced level method whenever you need to spank.

By spanking in this manner each time, she will get the emotional release by crying , and she will break the rules a lot less frequently.

Once you get to the advanced level of spanking, you should only be spanking once every month or two. It's a pretty serious spanking.

Where she doesn't seem to be effected by the pain of the current spankings, they're essentially ineffective since she's not really scared of them.

If she feels the pain of the advanced level spankings, she should be much more inclined to obey the rules going forward.

I just found this site and read this post. I have to say I cry early too. I also ask for him to stop. He doesn't, which in the end I'm glad of.

I think it's just a way for me to see if I have any control. He has also used a belt. I don't think the belt is any worse that a paddle or wood spoon.

I may hate to be corrected, but in the end I feel so loved and cared for. I'm so glad he cares enough to correct my behavior. Also, he keeps reminding me of what I did and asking me what should I have done.

I respect his role as leader. When he finishes he expects me to understand what I did and how I could have done it different.

It hurts just to know I've disappointed him in some way. I want to please him all the time. Anonymous - Welcome to Learning Domestic Discipline!

Thank you for your wonderful comment. It sounds like you understand the dynamic of spanking, and Domestic Discipline in general.

I think your feelings are all definitely normal ones, and some that most women feel in DD relationships, as they should.

Thanks again for your comment and best of luck to you in the future. Clint My huband and I just started practicing DD almost two weeks ago.

We are only working on my biggest problems which is having a UI additude and being disrespectful to my husband. Last week I recieved 11 punishment spankings and no maintanance spankings.

My hoh started off using his hand on my bare bottom at 20 strikes and I was not able to cry afterwords with any punishment.

He doesn't leave any marks other than a red sore bottom for a couple hours but I have only been able to cry once.

It did hurt a lot but I was more upset with the fact that he punished me with a belt than the pain I was in or what I did wrong.

He did comfort me afterwords until I fell asleep including the punishments that I didn't cry. We talked about what I did wrong the next morning when I woke up and how I should go about changing my behavior and should have not used the tone I had.

By this time last week I was already up to 7 punishment, this week I am at 3 punishment spankings and maintanance once a day so DD is helping a lot.

I was wondering is it nessasary for me to cry to have the full benifit in our DD relationship and if so what would you recomed that my hoh could do to get me to that point?

Anonymous - It's wonderful to hear that DD is helping your marriage. Cutting the spankings down from eleven to three in a matter of two weeks is fantastic.

It sounds like you both are already making a great deal of progress. To answer your question, yes, it's important and necessary that you cry after a spanking to get the full benefit from it.

Crying releases the emotions of guilt, stress, disappointment, and sorrow and helps you to feel forgiven and much happier going forward.

I encourage you to NOT to hold back any kind of crying since there really is no benefit in doing that, and when you do that you're really hindering your progress in Domestic Discipline.

Crying also strengthens the emotional bond between you and your spouse, which is always a good thing. Even though you're beginners, what I would recommend you do is escalate the intensity of the spanking into an "Intermediate Level Spanking" as described on this blog.

Every woman has a different amount of pain tolerance, and it sounds like yours may be a little higher than most. Make sure your husband conducts a warm up spanking to ensure there will be no bruising.

If you aren't crying with the current way you spank, then it's time to progress to intermediate level spankings. I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck!

My wife and I are very happy in our DD lifestyle. My question is, I fear sending mix messages. I love my wife dearly and she knows that thats not what I'm worried about.

But, I know the difference between my wifes "cry durning a spanking because of emotions and sink in" and "croc. THOSE, tears throw me.

I don't like her to cry because of the pain, I am okay with her crying to let out emotions from the spanking and I just know her well enough to know the difference.

For example: I will tell her, 2o more. And we'll get to 1o and she will be in the "crying from pain" cry. It tares me up.

Recently when we get there, I stop and RUB and tell her ok we are done. But I feel I undermine my athorty.

It's not that I'm beating my wife, or brusing her- please don't think that. I just feel I send mix messages and don't know what to do.

Because sometimes that last 2o, yes hurt and get the point across, but get through them and the lesson is learned, but other times I don't think she could get through it.

I hope this question isn't crazy, I just know my wifes "types" of cry. And the in true pain cry, is hard to decide how to react around.

Anonymous October 31 PM - You don't sound crazy at all. In fact, I totally understand what you mean, and I also understand how difficult it is to hear your wife cry, regardless of what type of cry it is.

Once you tell your wife there will be 20 more strikes, it's best to follow through with them so she takes you more seriously in the future.

It's important to remain as consistent as possible in every facet of DD to get the best overall results. As difficult as it may be to hear your wife cry during these times, it's best to finish the spanking as determined before you started.

You're absolutely on the right track - it sends mixed messages if you do otherwise. I know this is very difficult to do, and I certainly wish you the very best of luck going forward.

All the best to you. Hi Clint, I need your advice on an appropriate punishment. My wife has been coming home late after work lately. I know she goes out with her co-workers at times for happy hour, however, she is supposed to be home by a certain time.

I gave her permission to go to the happy hours, but not to come home an hour after the agreed time. Furthermore, last week I learned that she is having drinks with a male co-worker.

I punished her with an intermediate spanking for coming home late and then asked her not to have drinks with the male co-worker and she agreed.

Well, she came home late again last night and I told her she is grounded for 1 week and will be spanked immediately after work with the wooden spoon 20 times.

I just found out not through my wife that the male co-worker was at the happy hour last night and they were drinking together.

I never asked her directly if he was there last night so she didn't lie outright to me. But she did disobey me and left out an important piece of information.

How would you punish for this? I can use all the help I can get. I will postpone the punishment spanking and lecture until I hear from you.

Anonymous November 9th PM - I'm terribly sorry to hear about this problem in your marriage. It's a problem that could snowball into something extremely problematic, so it's important you be very firm on this and remain consistent with the rules.

From the sound of if you already know this, but I just wanted to reaffirm that conviction. There are a lot of factors that we can't really get into in the comments here that would help me in giving you the best answer how long you've been practicing DD, how often you've spanked for this, how frequently she ignores the rules, etc.

In addition, I would probably ground her until she can show some sort of responsibility when she goes out. That may be a week, or two weeks, or a month.

It's up to her. All of this is obviously your choice, but since you asked what I would do, this is what I would do. I happen to consider something like this extremely serious, therefore I would spank rather hard for it.

Now, since I don't know your experience with DD, it's difficult for me to recommend exactly how hard you should spank.

Judging by your comment, it sounds like the intermediate level spanking didn't get through to her, so escalating the spanking to advanced level seems the most obvious choice, however I would only go that route if you've been practicing DD for at LEAST 6 months.

If not, stick with intermediate level on both spankings. She doesn't seem too concerned about being spanked at the intermediate level based off her behavior though, so it may be time for you two to change they way you spank.

I would spank on consecutive days, one for each of the two offenses. You need to get through to her since this is so problematic at least I think so , so make sure you're thorough with this entire process.

And, of course, remain rational, level-headed and in complete control of yourself at all times. I hope this helps you and I wish you the very best of luck in getting this issue resolved.

All the best. Thanks a lot for your input Clint. I agree that this situation is very serious and requires serious action, punishment and lecture.

She definitely got a pretty lengthy lecture this evening and a very lengthy advanced spanking, which I hope has gotten through to her.

She was a little defiant in the beginning but I remained firm and consistent and now after the spanking I think it has. She understands that this was for the first lying offense, and tomorrow as you suggested she will get the second spanking.

She really tried hard to get out of it knowing how much this one hurt and said she learned her lesson and the importance of the rule and my request, etc.

She said she didn't need the second spanking. It will be difficult but I think I have to stay firm and continue with the second spanking tomorrow immediately after she returns from work on time despite her pleas to let it go.

I've also grounded her for 2 weeks instead of just 1 and explained that depending on her behavior it could be extended. So I think this is helping We have been practicing DD for about 2 years.

Thanks again for your help!! I appreciate it. It's nice to have someone to give me input and advice.

Clint, I meant "lateness" offense not lying offense above. I wanted to add if there was any reason to postpone the second spanking another day or two.

I will definiltey stay firm and consistent with the punishment, but what is the main reason to spank her the next day as you suggest as opposed to the day after tomorrow or later?

I guess I'm only asking because my wife has told me how sore her bottom is and that a spanking tomorrow would be too soon.

Please advise. My wife and I have been using the Beginner level spanks for awhile and recently I find myself having to spank 4 sometimes 5 times a week.

My wife backtalks and has always had childish behaviors when I ask her to the laundry or any simple chore. I decided yesterday after she refused to get off the computer and help with laundry I would try doing an intermediate spanking.

I followed your steps exactly. I always spank bare bottom with my hand we've never tried any implement Well today her bottom is very tender and even a bit red in some places.

I feel terrible because i never intended it to be hurting almost 24hrs later. Did I do something wrong or is this normal?

Anonymous November 10th AM - I'm happy to hear the advice has been helpful for you. Being firm and consistent is important, so nice job with both. I apologize for the late response to you.

My family and I have been traveling this past week. Anyway, the reason I recommended the second spanking be done the next day was for numerous reasons - 1 The more immediate the punishment is after a behavior, the better the results will be; 2 to give her one full day of recovery from the first spanking; 3 to get the punishment done as soon as possible so it doesn't mentally drive your wife crazy and make her deal with her feelings of guilt, disappointing her husband, etc.

It's unfair to her to procrastinate punishments for those reasons. Ultimately when you conduct the second spanking is up to you of course, but the sooner you can do so the better the results will be.

I hope that answer made sense. Anonymous November 12th PM - If you followed the steps exactly on the Intermediate Level Spanking post, then I presume you did a warm up spanking.

If after doing a warm up spanking she still felt the effects of the spanking some 24 hours later, then something may have went wrong.

The pain from the spanking shouldn't last that long, particularly if you only used your hand. The pain from it should have lasted around hours, with discomfort lasting around hours or so.

Every woman responds differently, but it definitely should not have lasted 24 hours afterward. It's difficult to pinpoint where this may have gone wrong.

Are you alternating cheeks when you strike the buttocks? It's important to do that to even out the spanking. The more "evened out" the spanking can be, the better.

Also, you may want to lighten up the strength in which you strike. That's really all I can think of that may have gone wrong since you only used your hand as an implement and spanked bare-bottomed.

It sounds to me you did everything correctly, assuming you followed the steps precisely. I'd also like to add one thing here - I'm not saying your wife may have done this, but it's something to think about.

So much so that they'll stretch the truth a little about the pain so the husband will rub it. Again, I'm not saying this is the case with your wife, but it may be worth looking in to.

If the pain is truly lasting upwards of 24 hours, then I would do what is necessary to alleviate the pain at that point. I know you feel bad about this and I would as well.

It's not normal for the pain to last that long. Again, it's difficult for me to know exactly where this may have gone wrong without details of the spanking, but I would review how to conduct a warm up spanking and make sure you do that first, and I would look into the extent of the pain your wife is telling you she's having to ensure you're getting the best feedback possible.

I hope this answer helps you. DD is about trial and error and learning together from your mistakes. I know you feel bad about it, but it will help you both with your growth in a DD marriage.

Good luck. Clint- My husband and I read over the intermediate spanking this morning so that we were both clear how it works. Just a few questions.

Is the warm up spanking equal to a beginner spanking? Also when you say spanks is that per cheek or total? Also if I don't want my husband to rub my bottom after warm up and before spanking is that okay?

When i am in pain I don't want to be touched. Also after being spanked I like to be alone and my husband likes to process everything.

So what do we do? Also he feels that I am distant towards him after a spanking and he feels disrespected? He can't punish for that can he? He says that comforting me brings us closer but I like to process alone.

He does not think I should be alone and in fact does not permit alone time after a spanking. He feels that this will cause me to shut down and he wants me to talk to him about how I feel.

One more question. Does every spanking need to be "a level" spanking. Or can the HOH just do a few corrective seats and end it? Also once we begin intermediate spankings are they all at this level.

Or for less serious infractions can they be beginner level? I have the same question as sarah.

My wife also likes to be left alone after a spanking but I want to stay and comfort her so we can grow closer. I also feel that her distance after a spanking is disrespectful but I dont know how to correct it.

Should I let her have her space or stay with her even though she doesnt want me to? Sarah - The warm up spanking is similar to a beginner spanking, yes.

The only significant difference is the implement that is recommended. The strikes is total - not per cheek. Yes, it's okay to request that your husband not rub your bottom after the warm up spanking if that's what you prefer.

I do encourage it and recommend it, however, for the reasons stated on the blog entries. I would discuss this aspect of the spanking with your husband and work out something with him when it comes to rubbing between sets of strikes.

You like to be left alone after a spanking? If your husband feels you're distant after a spanking and he feels it necessary to punish for it, then that's his decision.

If you disagree with it, talk to him about your concerns with it and work out what will work best for you both. Most of my suggestions are covered on the blog, however I highly recommend there be a substantial amount of comforting after a spanking.

I understand you prefer that not be the case, however I feel it's crucial to enhancing the emotional bond between husband and wife.

The closeness shared in that moment of vulnerability is important to the health of the relationship. This is my opinion, of course, but I certainly encourage husbands to comfort their wives after a spanking.

Not every spanking needs to be a "level" spanking. Couples should find the structure of a spanking that yields the best results in their marriage and stick with it.

That may or may not be "level" spankings. The HoH determines the "level" of spanking to be administered after each particular infraction.

They don't necessarily always have to be at one particular level. I hope these answers helped you out, Sarah. I wish you the best of luck!

I believe it will answer your question. I'm always sore after a spanking for 24 hours or more. Even just during an erotic spanking which is nowhere as severe.

I have no lasting marks but I stay sore. My husband and I just started DD a few days ago well started again, we didn't stick with it before though Anyway I don't think the beginner level spankings are working for me.

Do you think it's ok if we go ahead and start intermediate even though we just started? Is it ok to have an intermediate spanking several times a week or even everday.

WE are just starting so It's hard for me to go a day without a spanking. Anonymous January 9th AM - Where you've tried DD in the past and are familiar with spanking, I feel it's okay for you and your husband to step to intermediate level, particularly since the beginner level spankings are having little to no effect on correcting the behaviors.

Beginner level is more to introduce couples to what exactly spanking is and how it's done, and where you and your husband have already gone through that, you should be fine going to intermediate level.

Basically what's happening here is the pain from the beginner level isn't a strong enough deterrent to get you to think before you act, essentially.

It's common to conduct spankings often when just starting out. Spankings shouldn't be happening everyday, but times a week is common in the beginning.

Typically at intermediate level couples spank about once every two weeks or so but that varies on the couple, of course. Getting to that point takes a little time.

Behaviors will start improving and you and your husband will find yourselves spanking less and less as you familiarize yourself with the rules of the home, and the boundaries of those rules.

This assuming your husband remains consistent with the rules. If you're virtually getting spanked daily, then I'd definitely increase to intermediate level.

It should cut back the frequency in which your husband has to spank. I hope this helps and good luck to you! Hi, I have a question to anyone that may have advice I didn't know which category to put this in..

I have a situation and I dont know what to do. I understand that the HOH knows best and looks out for the best interest of the household.

I trust my partner to make the big decisions. But what if he is ready to have a baby and I am not? He thinks that it is the perfect time, but I honestly dont think im ready for that responsibility.

Should I trust that he knows best and respect his wishes? Or should I follow my instict? Thanks for listening!! Having a child is a serious decision for a couple and if you're not ready for any reason, my advice is to discuss this with your husband.

He needs to hear your reasons. Having a child is a wonderful, life altering event that isn't comparible to anything in the world, and its one that you are responsible with forever.

It's not fair to any child to be brought into a family where one of the parents isn't ready for whatever reason. Follow your instincts, but make the decision together.

Any man, worthy of his role as a HoH, is going to respect the feelings of his wife, especially on something so huge. Yes, as the HoH, your husband has the final say in decisions, but you're not talking about what model is best for the family or if two credit cards is a better idea than one.

You're talking about a new human being. Both of you need to be ready for the decision. Anonymous March 1st PM - If you aren't ready for the responsibility of a child, I would certainly recommend you express that to your partner and let him know exactly how you feel.

Bringing a child into the relationship changes everything, and it's something you both need to be prepared for on numerous different levels.

I think Christina said it well, and I don't have much to add to her advice other than this - it's best to get any behavioral problems corrected before you decide to have children.

You and your partner are in a unique situation where children aren't part of the equation yet, meaning you both can concentrate on getting all behavioral and relationship issues resolved BEFORE becoming pregnant and ultimately having a child.

It's so much better to do it that way if a couple is able to do so. A happy home and stable partnership is the ideal situation to bring a new life in to.

Good luck in discussing this with your partner! We've been living the DD lifestyle for Bout 5 weeks. My spanks for almost all punishments.

We were doing the warm up then spaking with the hand 15 on each cheek. Then the belt. But my husband bought a fraternity paddle.

Know that I've missed my medication again and my f husband feels I shouldn't be missing any of them at this point. So this morning I received the warm up with the wooden spoon and 10 waists with the paddle.

I was all over the place. Does this take time to e able to tolerate a full intermediate level with a paddle or should we change it?

I can not tell the difference the lifestyle has don't for personally and our marriage. I still have a lot of work to do with no questioning him.

But I feel that with this paddle I will every respectful and obedient. I'm sorry for the grammer I was on the treadmill when I wrote the entry above.

What I meant is that I can't tell you the major difference this has done for ne and our marriage. Anonymous April 27th AM - No problem about the grammar.

I'm guilty of a few typos and misspellings myself every now and again. It does take time to get adjusted to the intensity of the intermediate level spanking, yes.

Where you've only been practicing for approximately 5 weeks, it may be a bit early to jump to the intermediate level.

The idea is to become comfortable with how the spanking is done and all it entails at the beginner level before proceeding to the more intense intermediate level.

I wouldn't necessarily change the way you're spanking, because it sounds as though you and your spouse are doing everything correctly.

It may be best for you two to go back to beginner level though, until you have the "holding still" aspect of the spanking mastered. At that point you can THEN move on to intermediate level and go from there.

Hopefully the "major difference" in your marriage is a good one. I trust that it is, and I commend you both for taking the leap into the DD lifestyle.

Keep up the good work, and keep working with your spouse to find what works best for your marriage.

Hello, I am new to this site My husband usually starts with a warmup spanking, then we move into a longer session involving his belt, then a cane.

I feel so humbled and very eager to correct my behaviour at this point. Thankyou for people like you. My husband punishes me regularly and recently he has started using the cane.

I can only take it if i have a warm up spanking first but even then the pain is almost unbearable. I know i deserve it but i really dread the cane and it certainly makes me try to behave!!!

Anonymous June 24th PM - I'm so happy to hear you and your husband have found what works best for your marriage. Improvements are always a good thing, and I wish you continued success as you both go forward in the DD lifestyle.

Anonymous June 28th AM - The cane is an intense implement, no question. I'd recommend reserving that implement for only the most serious of offenses, but in the end that choice is your husband's to make.

Thank you for sharing your experience. Anon In my opinion, some of the missing information would be: 1. How long have you been practicing DD? Do you have any experience in safely spanking with a cane?

What type of cane are you using or wanting to use? How serious is the infraction? Anonymous July 10th - The "how" of your question seems rather self-explanatory to me, however I would never recommend striking full force with a cane for any reason, at any time.

The cane is an extremely intense implement and should only be used by experienced couples in careful moderation for the most serious of offenses.

I have read much of your blog after I came across it during research. I will be completly honest in informing you that I do not agree with domestic discipline, however, I tried to keep an open mind in sake of my research.

I stared with "Christian Domestic Disipline" information before finding your blog and even though I do not agree with a husband punishing his wife, thier suggestions of 5 to 10 strikes with your hand and 3 to 5 strikes if using a hairbrush or belt is at least not monstrous like the punishments you condone.

Your recommended punishments are not spankings, they are nothing short of beatings. Even though you don't mention this in your blog often, you did state that you chose this lifestyle out of regards to your faith.

I as a believer find that offensive. God does make it clear that wives are to submit to their husbands, and I get that, even though it is a hard thing to do at times.

I have read the bible cover to cover and cannot recall anywhere that it states it is ok for a husband to strike his wife if she doesn't submit.

Maybe I have missed that somewhere but I don't believe so. I DID find however where God made it very clear that a husband is to love, cherish, and respect his wife.

I would suggest rereading God's commandments for husbands and wives. It does not take pain for me to realize my errors.

I am fully capable of understanding where I need to improve through a loving discussion with my husband.

If my husband hit me, I would not respect him for it, it would be the polar opposite. I might do as he says quicker, but it would stem from fear, NOT respect.

My husband read some of your blog and was so upset by it that he said he couldn't read anymore. He told me that he could not believe that a husband would actually hurt his wife to teach her to submit.

Husbands, wives, please take these words into consideration. If this is a life style you choose to have, then it is your choice, but please don't offend me and fellow believers by justifying your actions by stating you do this because of your faith.

Anonymous July 29 I'm surprised that while reading the bible "cover to cover" you missed Matthew "Do not judge, or you will be judged" NIV.

You might want to look that one up. While you're at it, show it to your husband. Anoymous JUly 29 For the life of me i cannot figure out why in the world you are putting so much time and effort into reseaching somthing you do not believe in.

If DD is somthing that you do not agree with than why on earth are you commenting on a blog full of people that do agree with it.

I'm sorry but its people like you that i just don't understand. If i don't agree with something i simple just move on, not comment on the page much less research about it.

Just saying. Anonymous July 29th I have spent literally hours and hours reading this blog and there are probably still parts of it I haven't got to yet.

For you to say you've read most of it, gives me a good idea how much time you've spent here doing research. If you can find anywhere on this blog where Clint doesn't advocate that men should love, cherish and respect their wives, please refer me to it.

I must have missed it. Anonymous July 29th PM - I am indeed a Christian man, however I've never stated that I live this lifestyle with my wife because of my faith.

Every woman responds differently, but it definitely should Sissy trap have lasted 24 hours afterward. However, I see that the main aim for me, as a parent, is to make sure that the choices my child has to choose from are choices that I am happy for her to make while she is learning how to distinguish between correct or smart choices: ie. Arab teen masturbating on webcam 2 you get frustrated Porn role playing your kids talk back or flat-out refuse to do what you ask? I believe it will Schwarze pussy your question. Skyrim defeat mod was presented with by you inspiration!

1 thoughts on “Discipline for not my daughter

  1. Entschuldigen Sie, was ich jetzt in die Diskussionen nicht teilnehmen kann - es gibt keine freie Zeit. Ich werde befreit werden - unbedingt werde ich die Meinung in dieser Frage aussprechen.

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